Learning About Consequences

The three of us often go for walks after dinner. Jonah explores, touching things, smelling things, picking things up. Last weekend, he started grasping the handles of car doors when we would pass by. Both Michele and I thought this was a bad idea. "Those cars don't belong to us," we told him. There wasn't anything really bad about Jonah doing this. We both instinctively didn't like it, though, and told him not to do it.

After multiple rounds of car-touching-and-mom-or-dad-saying-no, I finally stopped him and told him that if he touched another car we would go straight home. He said he understood: "Touch car go straight home." He seemed to forget about touching cars until we crossed the street. Then, he grabbed the handle of a blue pick-up.

True to my word, I lifted him up and started walking back home. Two and a half blocks. Jonah wailed, "No go home. Down." Tears ran down his face as he squirmed and bucked in my arms. It was very difficult for both of us, and every step I asked myself if I was doing the right thing.

We got home and I put him down. He was still crying, "No! No go home," and flailing his arms angrily. After a few minutes he stopped and we hugged him. Michele and I asked together if he understood why we came home. He did: "Touch blue truck." Crisis over, the rest of the night went smoothly.

Monday night came around and we walked again. We reminded him what happened last time. Every time he came near a car, Michele and I both held our breath. It felt like he was taunting us. All was fine until, about five houses away from home, he very purposefully smacked the taillight of a car. I swooped him up. "No go home!" he cried, but he didn't squirm quite as much as the previous night.

Tonight we went for a walk again. Jonah was very cautious. He likes to walk along the line that divides the curb from the sidewalk, but every time he walked near a car he held his arm close to his body. Even when he walked next to a car that was parked very close to the curb, he made a point of not touching it. There were some close spots. "Point at car," said Jonah, as he wiggled his finger near a car door. But this was not teasing. I think he was making it clear that he knew what was okay. We made it home with no incidents.

I don't consider myself especially good at setting boundaries, but I think this was a success. Jonah learned that there are consequences to his actions. He learned that he should do what mom and dad say or he might not like the results. He learned that we will do what we say we will. I don't think he learned about other people's property, but that's a much harder, abstract concept. Part of me feels petty for making an example out of something as small as touching car door handles. It felt heavy-handed and controlling. That said, we generally use good judgement in what we "no" him about, and it seems like a good thing that he is learning to respond.

Too Smart, Too Fast

I write a lot about how amazed I am with Jonah's speech and mental development. Another great example occurred last night, when we were finishing up dinner.

Michele: Would you like some fruit, Jonah? What kind of fruit? Orange? Grapes?

Jonah (deadpan): Cookie fruit. (laughs)

He is developing so quickly. I look back at my blog posts and see how far he has come in less than a year. This turns out to be a challenge, though, with school. Jonah started preschool early last year. While we were researching schools in January, one of them had an opening in its 2-year old class and invited Jonah to join even though he wasn't two yet (and is actually about 4 months behind the age cutoff for the class). It turned out that he was at least 6 months younger than the other kids in the class. Mentally and verbally, he was pretty close to -- and even ahead of -- some of the other kids. Socially and physically, though, there was a clear difference.

For next year, we, in discussion with his teacher, have decided that he's not ready to move on to the next class. He hasn't started school yet, but we're already questioning the decision. While Michele and I know that his peers who are moving on are a lot more mature and able to handle themselves better, we worry that being in the younger class will slow down his development. Most of the kids in the younger class are considerably younger (6 months or more). As Michele puts it, how can we place our son with kids who are just saying "Mama" while he says "I'm hydrating" while drinking from his Nalgene?

As I reflect, waiting to move him up may not be a bad thing. I think Jonah got off to a fast start with his language skills, but his other developmental areas haven't caught up yet. Having these things out of sync might not be good. Maybe he -- and we -- will be better off if he spends some more time learning how to play with other kids and cooperate with adults.

25 Months

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I've been pretty lazy about updating this blog. So, a quick update:

Jonah turned two at the end of May. We had a birthday party that most of our family -- coming in from Southern California and North Carolina -- attended. It was great to have them here. Jonah chose construction equipment as a theme (see the photo of the cake that his mom and Nana made). Jonah was definitely aware of the party and he understood that this was for him -- very different from his first birthday.

Jonah will repeat anything we say and use the words in sentences. He absorbs everything and uses it in creative ways. A few days ago, for example

Jonah (smirking): Butterflies eat butter.
Michele: And what do horseflies eat?
Jonah: Horses.

In fact, he just came up to me and I showed him a preview of this blog. I asked him what the picture was and he said, "a birthday party". "Whose birthday party?" I asked. "Jonah's".

He still hasn't got his personal pronouns straight. He uses "you" in place of "I". Makes sense, since we always refer to him as "you".

Lastly, he is incredibly cute. See his renditions of "Kookabura" and "Two Little Kitty Cats", both from his Music Together class.