My Son, the Hero

I've mentioned before that every night at bedtime I read Jonah a story and tell him a story. Tonight, he said he wanted me to tell a story about "Jonah, the guy who melts cold men who are bad." This was new, the first time Jonah has asked for an action-adventure bedtime story.

This cold man thing started a couple of nights ago during dinner. Jonah told us that he and Sammy, his friend at school, played "melt the cold man". The cold man is made of mud and he is, well, frozen. He does bad things, although I'm not sure what Jonah envisions is bad. In any case, Jonah and Sammy were being heroes by melting the cold man.

I learned tonight that the cold man is in a movie that Sammy's mom and dad let him watch. I was only mildly appalled. Michele and I keep Jonah away from violent TV, but this was bound to happen eventually.

Laying next to Jonah at bedtime, I had to think fast. What could I tell him about Jonah, the guy who melts cold men who are bad...that wouldn't perpetuate the idea that only people who bash bad guys are heroes? Tonight, Jonah and Sammy quickly melted a cold man who came down from the sky near two girls who were fighting over a toy truck. Jonah helped the girls resolve a complex dispute over who owned the toy truck, and then he came up with an excellent solution for sharing the reward (another toy truck) with Sammy. Yes, he was a hero.

(Astronauts are heroes, too!)

Shared Interests

Jonah and I developed some bad habits in the way we spent time together.

Example 1: I'm at my computer and Jonah wants to be with me, so he sits on my lap. Bored, he soon starts playing with staples, drawing on mail, and hitting random keys on the keyboard while I type. I lose patience and can't get anything done. No fun.

Example 2: At dinner, we start talking about something Jonah has never heard of before. Say, slime molds. I have the brilliant idea to go find videos of slime molds on YouTube. I think, "Cool, I get to show Jonah something new." Jonah thinks, "Cool, I get to spend 30 minutes on the computer watching the same video again and again." No fun again.

Example 3: Jonah is in the family room and says, "Dad, come play trucks with me." For all I am worth, I cannot figure out what "playing trucks" means. Sure, I can smash some, make them go up a ramp or two, or race for a few minutes. But Jonah is intently focused on scooping plastic coal into a dump truck. Over and over. No fun.

I was acutely aware that this was not the relationship I wanted with my son. Me joining him doing something he wanted to do, him joining me doing something I wanted to do, and neither of us really able to find interest in what the other liked. I did not want to go through the motions of enjoying each others' company. I wanted to find something that we both liked and could really share because we both wanted to be doing it.

Then Magformers came into our lives, a Hanukkah gift from Jonah's Nana. These are plastic triangles and squares filled with magnets, such that surprisingly complex structures can be built. The technology is very cool for a nerd like me. I am fascinated.

Now, Jonah and I build together. Neither of us directs things, as we both have a tendency to do. We help each other, holding pieces while the other puts some in place. We share our own creativity and copy each others' creativity. I lose track of time.

I love feeling like my son's peer, even though he's not even four yet. We have found a way to connect as equals, and it is incredible.