Shared Interests

Jonah and I developed some bad habits in the way we spent time together.

Example 1: I'm at my computer and Jonah wants to be with me, so he sits on my lap. Bored, he soon starts playing with staples, drawing on mail, and hitting random keys on the keyboard while I type. I lose patience and can't get anything done. No fun.

Example 2: At dinner, we start talking about something Jonah has never heard of before. Say, slime molds. I have the brilliant idea to go find videos of slime molds on YouTube. I think, "Cool, I get to show Jonah something new." Jonah thinks, "Cool, I get to spend 30 minutes on the computer watching the same video again and again." No fun again.

Example 3: Jonah is in the family room and says, "Dad, come play trucks with me." For all I am worth, I cannot figure out what "playing trucks" means. Sure, I can smash some, make them go up a ramp or two, or race for a few minutes. But Jonah is intently focused on scooping plastic coal into a dump truck. Over and over. No fun.

I was acutely aware that this was not the relationship I wanted with my son. Me joining him doing something he wanted to do, him joining me doing something I wanted to do, and neither of us really able to find interest in what the other liked. I did not want to go through the motions of enjoying each others' company. I wanted to find something that we both liked and could really share because we both wanted to be doing it.

Then Magformers came into our lives, a Hanukkah gift from Jonah's Nana. These are plastic triangles and squares filled with magnets, such that surprisingly complex structures can be built. The technology is very cool for a nerd like me. I am fascinated.

Now, Jonah and I build together. Neither of us directs things, as we both have a tendency to do. We help each other, holding pieces while the other puts some in place. We share our own creativity and copy each others' creativity. I lose track of time.

I love feeling like my son's peer, even though he's not even four yet. We have found a way to connect as equals, and it is incredible.